After experiencing the trauma known as ****, all 7.594 billion inhabitants of planet Earth have unanimously agreed to say “New Year” instead of “Happy New Year” at midnight on January 1, 2021.
The consensus was reached at the UN with representatives for all nationalities, religions, sexual orientations, races, ethnicities, dialects, professions, blood types, hair colors, special interest groups, and human sub-cultures, including—but not limited to—furries, Karens, and people with dry skin.
“The Year That Shall Not Be Named has weighed heavily on our collective consciousness,” announced Dr. Fauci via Zoom. “Nobody is feeling happy entering the new year, especially my idiot boss, Donald Trump, who once thought that vaccines and Vaseline were the same thing,” he told the General Assembly, apparently diverting from script.
With the holidays soon ending, the most requested Christmas gift was reportedly a memory eraser.
