President Donald Trump addressed Congress today from within a casket, warning them that if the country remained closed it could jeopardize the funeral home industry.
“Listen. Right now. The funeral home industry is booming, thanks to my efforts. We’ve never seen growth like this before. Caskets are flying out the door, it’s incredible. The people working at these funeral homes, they’re honest, hard working men and women. One of them came up to me the other day. You know what she said? ‘Mr.President, thank you so much, for letting us work. For helping us take care of our families.’ Lovely woman. They’re all lovely people.”
President Trump then went on to boast about the quality of his casket while tapping the side of it.
“Look at this. Just look. 100% Oak, American made. This is what it’s all about. I want one of these in every home across America. This is what some people are trying to get rid of. These Democrats want to destroy jobs, and frankly, destroy this country. We cannot allow caskets like these go to waste. I won’t allow it.”
Trump then concluded the speech by getting inside the casket and closing it for naptime.
The dead have yet to be reached for comment.