President Donald Trump disappeared in a cloud of smoke during a press conference this weekend after he swore vengeance on all those who did him wrong.
Trump approached the podium with a crow resting upon his shoulder and a one eyed hag following close behind.
“So, you have all conspired against me. You’ve been trying to dispose of me for so long, you’re so pathetic, all of you. Soon you shall understand, soon you shall feel the wrath of a great and powerful storm that brews within me. I shall remember each of you, by face and name and I will not stop until I have personally brought ruin against you. I am older than time and worse than death, you shall soon understand.”
Trump then drew a small dagger and cut open his palm while dripping his blood onto the floor and speaking to some unseen force.
“Oh great and powerful Neratu, though you may not be as great and powerful as myself I still beseech thee for a potential business opportunity. I offer up my children, and California, and three of my electoral votes. In exchange I ask only for a small distribution of pain and suffering to those I deem my enemies. If these terms sound agreeable please contact my secretary so that he may draw up the paperwork.”
The press conference was concluded when a cloud of black smoke poured forth from Trump’s mouth and promptly set off the sprinkler system.