In a shocking but unsurprising move, former President Donald Trump announced today that he has officially listed the White House for sale on eBay, citing “efficiency and convenience” as his reasons. “This way, if anyone wants to slide me a little something-something, they don’t have to go through all that red tape,” Trump declared, waving a gold-embossed “For Sale” sign.
The eBay listing, titled “Iconic Government Building—Great Bones—All Offers Considered,” promises potential buyers an “unparalleled opportunity to own a piece of American history and make your own rules while you’re at it.” Bidding starts at $1 but comes with a hefty Buy It Now price of $1 billion or “best cash offer in a brown paper bag.”
White House staffers were reportedly stunned when Trump began rearranging furniture to stage the property for photos. “He even had a MAGA-themed drone take aerial shots for the listing,” said one bewildered intern. “He told us the Lincoln Bedroom was ‘move-in ready’ and the Oval Office had ‘good lighting for TikToks.’”
The move has sparked an unexpected wave of interest, with rumored bidders including Russian oligarchs, anonymous hedge fund managers, and at least one Silicon Valley billionaire who reportedly asked if the purchase comes with the nuclear codes as a bonus.
Critics were quick to point out that the White House technically belongs to the American people, but Trump shrugged off concerns. “We’re making it easier for everyone. This is a win-win. Besides, they can always build a new one. Maybe with a golf course out back.”
At press time, the eBay listing had already garnered over 500 bids and one message asking if the White House could be shipped via USPS or if it was strictly local pickup.
