With Melania Trump gleefully planning her departure from the White House, her theoretical husband, President Donald Trump, has pardoned her idleness during her term as First Lady.
Melania’s accomplishments during the past four years include hosting a Zoom meeting, moving her office plant, and downloading Tinder. A public perception poll revealed that 58% of Americans believe that Ivanka is Melania and Melania is Donald’s babysitter.
In a press release—her first during the presidency—the First Lady thanked her husband for the pardon, saying it was the first time he displayed manners.
“Many thanks to Donald and to the American people for this great honor. I hope that I can continue to retain First Lady privileges, such as not having to wait in line at Chipotle.”