In a development that has become alarmingly routine, former President Donald Trump is once again reportedly lost within the confines of the White House. Sources close to the situation say that Trump, who returned to the presidency in a historic 2024 comeback, has been wandering the halls for hours, muttering about “fake maps” and “deep state renovations” that have allegedly altered the building’s layout.
Staffers first noticed something was amiss when Trump failed to appear for a scheduled meeting with House Republicans regarding his massive budget bill. Instead, he was spotted on security cameras aimlessly roaming the East Wing, occasionally stopping to admire portraits of himself that he insists were “just put up yesterday.”
“He keeps asking where the ‘real’ Oval Office is,” said one aide, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We tried to guide him back, but he accused us of being part of a liberal conspiracy to trap him in a ‘woke labyrinth.’”
This isn’t the first time Trump has found himself disoriented in the executive mansion. During his previous term, he famously mistook the White House kitchen for a secret bunker and attempted to order a Big Mac from the pastry chef. Despite these incidents, Trump has refused to carry a map or use the assistance of staff, claiming that “only losers need directions.”
In response to the latest episode, the Secret Service has implemented a new protocol: strategically placed cardboard cutouts of Ivanka Trump and framed copies of The Art of the Deal now line the corridors to guide the president back to familiar territory. Additionally, a trail of Diet Coke cans has been laid out as a makeshift breadcrumb path.
At press time, Trump was last seen entering a janitor’s closet, declaring it “the most luxurious executive suite I’ve ever seen,” and demanding that it be renamed the “Covfefe Cabinet Room.” Staffers are hopeful that he will find his way out before the next state dinner, or at least before he tries to appoint the mop as his new Chief of Staff.
