In an unprecedented move, Trump has finalized the sale of California to a travelling mystic in exchange for a bag of magical beans.
Donald Trump made the announcement today during an emergency press conference.
“Today is a good day. Such a good day. Possibly the best day that America has ever had. Today is the day that we say goodbye to California and hello to the future of a new America. This new America is going to be the envy of the world. I’m to tell you why, it’s because we’re going to have a big beautiful beanstalk that stretches high above the sky. Higher than anything China or Russia has. We’re going to be big and beautiful and great.”
Trump then took members of the press out back to the White House gardens to show them where he planted the beans.
“Any moment now we’re going to have a big beautiful beanstalk sprout up from the ground and it’s going to be a lovely day for us. Please, take pictures, mark this as a monumental occasion in the American history. Once the beanstalk sprouts we’ll be sending in Seal Team 6 to eradicate the giants and then we will begin our extraction of the golden goose. I would like to see the Democrats do something like this.”
Even though California belongs to the realm of the shadowlands, residents are reportedly relieved to no longer be under Trump.