A team of scientists at UC Berkeley announced earlier this week that they had successfully fused together Donald Trump and Joe Biden to create a President that everyone can support.
“By fusing together the body and mind of both candidates, we have created an individual who supports conservative and liberal policies simultaneously. We have named him Doe Triden and he is eager to serve the American people.”
Despite the project being an overall success, the scientists have noted a few minor problems along the way.
“Although Doe Triden is for the most part docile, he does bite people on occasion. There was a lab assistant who lost three fingers to Triden but that was only because they did not follow proper handling protocol. So long as Triden is fed a steady supply of hotdogs he will remain servile.”
Triden made a quick recovery from the surgery and returned before Congress to give a harrowing speech about the Nation’s future.
“AAAAAAAAAH AAAH AAAAAAH AAAAH AH AAAAAAH”
Said Triden as blood leaked from his eyes. Triden continued his masterful speech for several minutes and was then showered in rapturous applause by both Democrats and Republicans. It seems the United States has finally found a President for the people.