After mispredicting literally everything about 2020, psychics have joined Myspace, Blockbuster and the McLobster as distant relics of the past, with no government bailouts anytime soon.
Woefully holding her unstamped passport, Erica Smith complained that her psychic said she would never get sick, have a steady supply of toilet paper, and still be terrible at spelling.
“Instead, I contracted COVID, panic bought twelve rolls, and lurned [sic] how to spell ‘quarantine’!” Smith wrote in an e-mail.
Smith says she’s looking into new, more scientific sources of insight, such as horoscopes.
In response to their newfound employment crisis, the Psychics’ Union of America is reportedly refusing to answer questions—all of which they foresaw—without first consulting a legal team.
Unfortunately, lawyers are reluctant to represent the union because its psychics are unable to determine the outcome of potential cases.
Many psychics have reportedly joined OnlyFans.
