A boy’s pet rock has been euthanized today following an incident in which it attacked a man.
The Sheriff’s department released a statement regarding the affair and the events leading up to it.
“The boy apparently won the pet rock at a state fair and brought it home to his family. From what the family told us the rock was extremely loving and docile which is why this whole thing has shocked not only them but the community. A family friend was trying to pet the rock and that was when it suddenly snapped and bit his finger clean off. These things do happen but we’re still at a loss as to why.”
A statement released by the veterinary office that euthanized the rock provided no further explanation as to what could have caused such violence in an otherwise gentle creature.
“Our initial thought was that the pet rock was granite, a notoriously bad breed of rock. Further analysis proved us wrong. Then we thought it may have contracted rabies or some other disease but there was no way for us to test this as it was a rock and lacked any genetic material. We’re not even sure how it was able to bite. All in all, this has been the most confusing day of my entire career.”
Based on information leaked from an unconfirmed source, the euthanization had to be carried out with a hammer as the syringe could not penetrate the animal, because it was a rock.
The victim of the attack is expected to make a full physical recovery but the psychological trauma will last a lifetime.
