In a shocking rebrand aimed at capturing the lucrative “geriatric man-child” demographic, baby food giant Gerber has announced that former President Donald Trump will be the new face of its iconic Gerber Baby campaign.
“After an exhaustive search for someone who embodies the essence of a baby — the innocence, the unpredictability, the complete lack of filter — we landed on Mr. Trump,” said a spokesperson for Gerber, gently patting a burping cloth on the company’s credibility. “He’s everything we’ve come to expect in an overgrown infant.”
The decision came after Gerber’s marketing team reportedly observed Trump consuming a bowl of mashed bananas and demanding someone “clap louder” during a Mar-a-Lago brunch. “He already eats a diet of pureed meats and soft fruits,” said Gerber’s VP of Product. “And his communication style aligns perfectly with our target audience: mostly incoherent, emotionally volatile, and allergic to accountability.”
The new product line, “Gerber Gold: For Big Boys Who Win,” will feature strained carrots in gold foil, mashed beef labeled “Patriot Pâté,” and a signature blend called “Covfefe Casserole.” Each jar includes a sticker that reads “Certified Not Woke.”
Critics of the move are baffled. “Isn’t this man under 91 indictments?” asked one parent, spooning applesauce into a real baby. “I just want a snack my toddler can eat without feeling like they’re endorsing authoritarianism.”
Trump, for his part, is thrilled. “Everyone says I’m the most beautiful baby. The best baby. Gerber’s never had a baby this orange before — tremendous skin tone, perfect soft fontanel,” he said, while demanding to be held and refusing a nap.
At press time, Trump was reportedly seen throwing a sippy cup at Mike Pence for not agreeing he won hide-and-seek.
