For the first time in American history, the election will be determined in a groping contest.
Organizers of the competition have laid out exactly how the contest will be carried out.
“Both candidates will be competing in a series of events meant to show the American people who the best groper is. Both Trump and Biden having their own claims to fame when it comes to groping, this competition is meant to show who is truly the best.”
The organizers then went on to describe the exact events that Trump and Biden would be competing in.
“The first event will task the candidates with seeing who can creep out a woman in the shortest amount of time. The first to make their designated female leave the room will be the winner. The second stretch of the competition will measure the actual groping technique itself, this will give Trump and Biden a chance to show off the various techniques they’ve learned over the years. Finally, the competitors will be facing down in the 3rd round where they will masterfully spin the accusations made against them and claim they never happened.”
The event will be judged by a panel made up of Ron Jeremy, Harvey Weinstein and Dan Schneider.