Disney executives have announced the creation of a Disney exclusive strain of the Coronavirus that guests can catch at parks. Disney CEO Bob Chapek explained the creative process behind the creation of the new strand.
“We know just how much our fans love the Disney brand. We figured that if they were going to be coming to our parks and contracting the Coronavirus anyway, then we might as well change it up a little and give them that magical Disney touch. We want everyone to get the full Disney experience by leaving our parks happy and infected with a disease they’ll cherish for years to come.”
Chapek went on to explain exactly how Disney parks would go about distributing the virus to guests.
“We’ve gone and covered every surface in the park with the virus. If you have hands, you’re catching it. All the food and beverage products will be fully contaminated. We’ve also instructed the mascots to chase children down and cough in their face, infection is fun for the whole family. Just to make sure no one escapes the fun of the disease we’ll also have security stationed at every exit to make sure that only those who are infected will be permitted to leave.”
Symptoms of this new strand are said to include sudden bursts of joy, impulsive singing, and major bleeding from all openings.