California officials have declared a state of emergency as giant balls of homeless people ravage their cities and populace.
Governor Newsom warned California residents to stay indoors until the rampaging balls of homeless people could be contained.
“Stepping outside could mean the difference between life and homelessness right now. These tumbleweeds consist of about ten to fifteen homeless people but in areas of higher poverty rates we’re seeing tumbleweeds of about twenty to thirty. Those that get caught in these tumbleweeds immediately become homeless themselves. If you do find yourself about to be absorbed into one of these amalgamations we advise you to throw you to toss some pocket change as a means of redirecting the ball.”
A scientist from the emergency panel attempted to explain the phenomenon taking place as balls of homeless people ravage California.
“All known laws of biology should not allow this to happen, but we do have a theory. Based on the aggressive nature of these spheres we believe that this is some kind of defensive reaction after years of being treated like subhumans. Additions of hostile architecture and removal of basic public services to help the homeless may have caused them to become a hive mind as a means of survival. All we know now is that they are not stopping, they are going to give is just a taste of the pain we have indulged upon them.”
The press conference was cut short as a giant ball of homeless people came crashing into the building.