A pastor based out of California has made the claim that the surge of forest fires is directly correlated to the increase of youths having premarital sex.
Pastor Willows gave a powerful sermon detailing his new controversial theory.
“Look around you, look around at the world, look at the state it is in. Things are getting hot! Things are getting warmer! Things are burning up! Burning up like hell! Burning up like fires of hell are getting ready to swallow us all. How did this happen? Where did these flames come from? These are the flames of sin! Sin caused by your children being out there in the woods having premarital sex! Satan watches them teens brushing up against one another and then he starts brushing up some twigs and then bam! The sparks are born and Satan is let into this world by your sons and daughters fornicating!”
While Pastor Willow has received much criticism for this sermon he has also gained quite a few new followers. Juvenile arsonist Casey Jones is one of these new followers and he claims the pastor is speaking the truth.
“I know a lot of people don’t take what he says at face value, they try to use science to explain the forest fires taking place. I however can provide the simple truth. I was in that forest, I was definitely having sex, with at least three chicks and the forest fires started because of it. You wouldn’t know them, they go to other schools, but they agreed to have sex with me after I showed them a super cool trick I could do on my dirt bike. Anyway, after we were done with the sex, a lightning bolt struck a stray can of gasoline that happened to be sitting next to a box of matches and the entire forest went up. It sure was crazy but also the truth of what happened and we should stop investigating it.”
Officials are still waiting on confirmation from God himself and until then it cannot be known for certain what the cause of these forest fires is.
