Earlier today, Biden announced that he had selected Cletus Dunderfoot to be the head of The Department Of Agriculture.
“I’m happy to announce that Cletus Dunderfoot will be our new Secretary Of Agriculture. Cletus is an excellent man who I’ve known ever since I found him catching gophers in my backyard for stew meat. Cletus has taught me many things, like how urinating on your garbage is a good way to keep racoons away and how you can make moonshine from possum blood. I’m confident that he will be an incredibly valuable asset to our Agriculture Department and I look forward to seeing the bold changes he plans to make.”
Cletus Dunderfoot made a small press announcement outside of the rusty broken down car that he lives in.
“Well, that there Biden fella sure is good man. When he caught my catching them gophers in his there yard on yonder I thought he was gonna take all that there meat for himself but he saids I could have it on account of me lookin all skin and bones and whatnot. Anyhow, I think my dang first order of business here is gonna be to get my cousin Rosco a dang job cause he been sleeping out his truck for some time now and I won’t have no unemployed man having intercourses with my sister Berlinda. Once all them is sorted out I plan on getting us some more hooch cause boy all mighty people love some good hooch. Y’all can leave now.”
Cletus then concluded the press conference by chasing the reporters off with a shotgun he had made out of duct tape and old tuna cans.
