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All Lives Matter crowd demands more media coverage of all viruses

Kevin Zed by Kevin Zed
December 4, 2020
in News
All Viruses Matter
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Chanting that “all viruses matter,” a group of All Lives Matter protesters marched in Washington today to denounce the media’s dismal coverage of non-COVID viruses.

Even though the coronavirus has infected almost 13 million Americans thus far, the protesters believe more obscure viruses deserve the spotlight.

“I’m anti-mask. I’m anti-vax. But I’m pro-tell-me-how-many-cases-of-chikungunya-there-are-in-my-city because, as a freedom-loving American, I have a right to know!” proclaimed Karen Karens, a 63 year old with four preexisting conditions.

Karens, who could barely contain her “smoker’s cough,” seemed unfazed that she had a higher chance of contracting COVID-19 than several other viruses combined.

The rest of America is hoping the protesters contract some semblance of intelligence.

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